For those living with grief, the Christmas season can be especially difficult to navigate.
If you’re a widow, widower, have children who have lost someone close to them or a parent who has lost a child - I’m talking to you furry baby moms and dads - this article will hopefully provide you with some relatable advice. By this point in December you’re probably feeling pretty wiped out. On top of all of the usual Christmas items on your list that you need to check off like shopping, wrapping, baking, delivering, and trying to get a good night’s sleep - which is something that alludes me almost every night - around the world we’re dealing with a new COVID variant and having to socially distance from our friends and family once again. It’s a lot! Last Christmas was the first for us as a family of three. In February of 2020 my husband Adam died of brain cancer. In roughly the same amount of time that the world has been living through a pandemic, our family has also learned to move forward with grief. As a Resilience Explorer, I spend a lot of time speaking with people who are admired for their positive mindset and have learned strategic takeaways. This list will provide some helpful advice for those coping with grief during the holidays, as well as friends and family wanting to help them. Prepare yourself When you have lost someone special, there are many special days that are hard to manage, but none as much as the holidays. Everywhere we go we are surrounded by messages of merriment and joy. Prepare yourself for the triggers that lie ahead. Begin new traditions Some old traditions are great to hold onto, but it’s also okay to start new ones. Include your children in a craft by stringing memorable photos to a garland. Spend time doing something that’s meaningful for you and your family. Finding purpose During the holidays there are many charities that need volunteers. Not only will you be helping yourself by doing something nice but you’ll also be helping many others too. Tap into virtual communities BetterHelp and My Grief Angels are great go-to resources that help people living with loss to feel less alone during the holidays. BetterHelp offers professional counselors through messaging, chat, phone or video calls. This year, My Grief Angels is hosting a Christmas Day online support group. Unplug on Christmas Day The thought of being amongst others may seem overwhelming. There’s nothing wrong with staying at home and doing what brings you comfort. Try turning off social media, don’t watch holiday movies (the Hallmark channel is full of deceased family member story lines) and do something that brings you calm. Those close to a grieving person can sometimes feel helpless, but they are looking for ways to support them. If this describes you, here are some tips:
One of the best ways to support a loved one who is hurting is to ensure that they are given license to speak uninterruptedly and that you listen with intent. Do not interject or take the focus away from them. Remember, you are there to help. During this time, surround yourself with the things and people you hold dear, and who are empathetic to your wellbeing. However you spend the holidays, I wish you good health and peace.
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Christmas carries with it many mixed feelings. We are surrounded by the colours, flavours and merry messages of the season. But many are also living with grief after facing the loss of a loved one and learning to manage the triggers that come with it.
Toronto resident Janet Fanaki is a widow, Resilience Explorer and here to speak on the ways we can navigate our feelings of loss and also offer helpful tips for those who are searching for ways to help friends and family who are living with grief. Janet lost her 51 year old husband Adam to brain cancer in February of 2020. “The first year without him was very hard since we were all in lockdown and couldn’t gather with loved ones,” she says. “Since the children and I have learned to manage all of the special days of the year in new ways, I have some helpful advice for others new to grief.” Some of Janet’s advice for getting through the holidays includes:
Janet Fanaki is the creator and host of the RESILIENT PEOPLE podcast where she shares conversations with regular people from around the world who are admired for their resilience. They have overcome a major challenge and found a purpose from it to help others be resilient too. To interview Janet, contact her at info@resilientpeople.ca or (416) 271-7887. I'm a firm believer that how you start your day sets the tone for the rest of the day. That includes what I eat for breakfast. If I have something healthy and low in sugar, my brain stays clear and I don't get hungry before lunch. Here's my recipe for homemade nut-free granola. The main reason I started making my own, is because I have a son and a brother with an anaphylactic nut allergy. So many store-bought granolas contain nuts. I thought, "Why should Sam and Bill be left out of enjoying something so delicious?" As often as I can, I'll make my own take on a popular dish that contains nuts like granola so they're not left out of enjoying it too. I'd argue that my granola is better than anything I've ever bought in a store. As long as you have oats and seeds in the house, you can make granola. Most of the other ingredients are in your cupboards and fridge. I hope you enjoy it as much as we do. Ingredients: large flake oats (4 cups) pumpkin seeds (1 cup) sunflower seeds (1 cup) hemp seeds (3 tablespoons) flax seeds (3 tablespoons) chia seeds (3 tablespoons) maple syrup (1/3 cup) brown sugar (1/2 cup) pure vanilla extract (2 tablespoons) cinnamon (1 tablespoon) raisins or dried currents or dried cranberries or dried blueberries (handful) kosher salt (a couple of pinches) Basically I do my granola to taste so if you think you need a little more or less or something, its ok to modify the recipe. Set your oven to 350 degrees. In a large mixing bowl, add the oats, all of the seeds, brown sugar and stir together. Then add all other ingredients until its combined and happy together. On a large baking sheet pour the ingredients and spread out evenly. Pat the mixture down so that it's somewhat compact. Once the oven comes to temperature, place the sheet on the middle rack and bake for approximately 15 minutes or until golden on the edges. Then, take a large fork and break up the mixture and spread down again. Return it to the oven for another 5-8 minutes. Take out and cool on the baking sheet. Do not break the mixture apart until it has cooled. This will help to set the mixture and give you larger clumps once its cooled. Enjoy the granola on top of plain yogurt, as a cereal or snack. Janet Fanaki by the famous LOVE locket wall in Toronto's Distillery District. Photo cred: Maggie Knaus (@photoat50) "Can you talk to someone whose husband also has glioblastoma?", was the text I got from a friend. Only a few weeks later she would send me another note asking me to speak with someone else. Within a month I met two women whose husbands were diagnosed with the same terminal illness as my husband. G. was the first, and then N. Their questions were typical of someone fresh to the brain cancer story. They wanted to know "How is your husband doing?", "What treatments has he done?" and "How's your doctor?" It was just three and a half years ago that I was in their shoes. Scared, exhausted and feeling isolated from the world. How could anyone understand what we're going through? The average life expectancy with GBM is on average 14-18 months. Adam's friend had been living with it for over five years and still working, travelling and enjoying life at the time. He encouraged me to connect with his wife who he believed could help me. I resisted for many weeks until I received a few texts and phone messages from her and decided to call her back. We spoke on the phone for over an hour. Someone who I didn't know, but knew everything I was feeling and thinking. We still keep in-touch and my relationship with her made me promise that I would pay this act forward. I feel it's important to have your network of support and that it should come from different sources: neighbours, close friends, therapists and those who are dealing with the same challenge as you. It could be organized group therapy or just casually connecting the way G. and N. have with me. Some of our talks were about serious issues and others might have been just to share a funny text. But we were people who really understood each other. Even as my husband's condition had worsened, and after he passed away, I continued to check-in with them. I wanted to be an understanding and listening ear for them, as well as to remind them that they weren't alone. It also gave me a purpose which in turn made me feel better too. Photo courtesy: Alexandra Petruck Toronto podcast host & Resilience Explorer Janet Fanaki launches season 2 of the RESILIENT PEOPLE podcastPRESS RELEASE September 23, 2021 TORONTO, ON., September 23, 2021 -- “In season 1 we met so many regular people around the world who had overcome a major life challenge and found a purpose from it,” says Toronto resident Janet Fanaki. “Season 2 promises to bring more conversations that I hope will inspire listeners to find their own purpose in life and build resilience.” Janet Fanaki started the RESILIENT PEOPLE podcast after her 51 year-old husband Adam passed away of brain cancer in 2020. She believes that having a purpose can help anyone to overcome most challenges. It’s also a common theme with all of her guests on the podcast. This season, listeners will meet:
Janet has been able to determine many common traits between her guests. Their lifestyle, social circles and purpose-driven life to name a few. She offers tips to build resilience thanks to the advice of her guests and experts. Each interview is unique, inspiring and relatable. “I’m doing this for the people who I met on my own journey who said that they could never do it,” says Janet Fanaki. “The truth is, you don’t know what you’re capable of doing until you HAVE to do it.” Janet Fanaki is the creator of RESILIENT PEOPLE. The blog was established in 2018 and in late 2020 launched the podcast, available on all platforms. She has since presented to many organizations her findings on “the power of purpose” and the common traits of resilient people. She has been profiled in The Globe and Mail, Toronto Star, USA Today and iHeart Radio. Janet lives in Toronto with her two children. For more information, visit resilientpeople.ca Podcast episodes can be found on all platforms and resilient-people.simplecast.com. Contact Janet Fanaki at (416) 271-7887 or info@resilientpeople.ca -30 - photo cred: Maggie Knaus Like any other special day in the year, Father’s Day can be both happy and terribly sad for many people. Losing one’s dad, husband or child can make this day very difficult to navigate alone.
Toronto resident Janet Fanaki lost her 51 year old husband Adam to brain cancer in 2020. Married for 21 years and the father to her two children Isobel and Sam, Father’s Day continues to be a tricky one for her to navigate. “The first year without him was really hard,” she says. “The kids and I have had to learn to manage the special days of the year in new ways.” Some tips that she shares:
Janet Fanaki is the creator and host of the RESILIENT PEOPLE podcast where she shares conversations with regular people from around the world who are admired for their resilience. They have overcome a major challenge and found a purpose from it to help others be resilient too. To interview Janet, contact her at info@resilientpeople.ca or (416) 271-7887. PRESS RELEASE
May 24, 2021 TORONTO, ON., May 24, 2021 -- May marks Brain Tumour Awareness month in Canada. To raise funds for essential programs and services for this community, Toronto resident Janet Fanaki and her children established The Adam Fanaki Brain Fund in 2020 after the death of her 51 year old husband from brain cancer. Adam Fanaki was one of Canada’s brightest legal minds. Following a three and a half year battle against glioblastoma (the most aggressive form of brain cancer), Adam lost his fight. Janet, Isobel and Sam Fanaki formed the fund shortly after Adam’s passing to help others living with a brain tumour. In 2020, The Adam Fanaki Brain Fund raised over $145,000 which went to support virtual programs, patient and caregiver handbooks at The Brain Tumour Foundation Of Canada; programs to help marginalized populations in the Neurosurgery department at St. Michael’s Hospital; and create a new technology from the Brain Tumour Foundation and Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre. “We made it our purpose to continue helping those living with a brain tumour after experiencing Adam’s diagnosis, surgery and treatments,” says Janet Fanaki. “If anyone knows the stress, anger and fear that comes with living with a brain tumour it’s us, and we want patients and caregivers to know that they are not alone in this experience.” Fundraising continues this year with a 5-year funding commitment from lead donor Davies Ward Phillips & Vineberg LLP. The family is also grateful to BMO Private Wealth for their continued support. To learn more about The Adam Fanaki Brain Fund visit www.theadamfanakibrainfund.com or on Facebook @theadamfanakibrainfund For interviews contact Janet Fanaki at (416) 271-7887 or info@resilientpeople.ca When you are missing a loved one on Mother's Dayby Janet Fanaki
Greeting cards in hues of pink, breakfast in bed and handmade paper creations done lovingly by little hands. These are some of the ways we honour moms on Mother’s Day. As we look to celebrate them this weekend, many others are seeking ways to just get through it all. Mother’s Day, like other special occasions in the year, can be unbearable for those who are living with grief. For widowers, mothers who have lost a child and anyone missing their mom, Mother’s Day may still hold a special place in their hearts but is also a day that triggers sadness. Jason Fiorotto lost his wife Tory to breast cancer and offers this advice, as a widower and parent, to those facing this day for the first time. “Give yourself time and space to grieve and make the day as positive as possible,” he says. “It is about your child and the mom they lost — their experience on Mother’s Day from now on is based on the one you create. Cry a little, but do things that celebrate her.” Melissa Sheldrick lost her son Andrew when he was only 8 years old. She places a large value on healing through self care. “Mother’s Day opens every wound,” she says. “The best way to get through it is to do what feels right for you. Last year, I spent Mother’s Day by myself and it was exactly what I needed. Time will tell what will happen this year; you can prepare, but you can’t predict.” The death of a mother can be difficult to cope with at any age. “A dear friend of mine celebrates any big day, birthdays, anniversaries, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day by enjoying a special dessert of the person they are missing,” says Shirley Fairley. “My mom loved strawberry shortcake and I think that’s what I will enjoy this Mother’s Day.” Friends and family may also be looking for ways to reach out to those who are grieving. They could do something special for them like drop off a special coffee house drink to their porch, a favourite bottle of wine or offer to chat online so they don’t feel so alone. I’m thankful everyday for my terrific kids, but I will be missing the man who made me a mom — my husband Adam who passed away in February 2020. My way to cope has been to reinvent traditions. This has proven to make a nice day out of one that would otherwise be a challenge to emotionally survive. If you are grieving, give yourself permission to spend the day your way and do what feels comfortable for you. Wishing you all a beautiful Mother’s Day. ATTENTION: MOTHER’S DAY PITCH
Like any other special day in the year, Mother’s Day can be both happy and terribly sad for many people. Losing a mother, wife or child can make this day very difficult to navigate alone. Toronto resident Janet Fanaki lost her 51 year old husband Adam to brain cancer in 2020. She created the platform RESILIENT PEOPLE to hear from the regular people around the world who have overcome adversity and found a purpose from their experience. For 21 years her husband Adam was the one who led the Mother’s Day festivities at home. “The first year without him was really hard,” says Ms Fanaki. “The kids and I have had to learn how to manage these special days in new ways.” Some tips that she shares:
Janet Fanaki is the chief content creator and host of the RESILIENT PEOPLE blog and podcast. She interviews people around the world who are admired for their resilience. They have overcome a major challenge, found a purpose from their experience and now help others to be resilient too. Learn more at www.resilientpeople.ca. To interview Janet, contact her at info@resilientpeople.ca or (416) 271-7887. What makes people resilient? What can we learn from them to build a positive mindset?
Toronto resident Janet Fanaki started the podcast RESILIENT PEOPLE to surround herself with regular resilient people and to inspire others too. She lost her 51 year old husband Adam to glioblastoma, the most aggressive form of brain cancer, in February 2020. During his treatments at the Odette Cancer Centre at Sunnybrook Hospital in Toronto, she spent a lot of time people watching. She wondered what makes some people strong in the face of adversity while making others cower. In 2018 she created RESILIENT PEOPLE as a blog and recently launched a podcast to share her conversations with folks from around the world who are admired for their resilience. Her guests have overcome a major life challenge and found a purpose by creating something to help others be resilient too. Janet admits to not being a professional researcher but considers herself a Resilience Explorer. From her conversations over the last few years, she determines that some common traits between resilient people are their commitment to physical activity, socializing and volunteer engagement. Guests have included: Terrence Rodriguez, a transgender man from Rexdale who spent much of his younger days in isolation and then started REX Pride to build a community for LGBTQ+ youth; Jason Fiorotto who lost his wife to breast cancer and then established a fundraiser to bring comfort to cancer patients; and crash survivor Dawne McKay who built an online community for fellow accident and crash victims through The Crash Support Network. Each interview is unique, inspiring and relatable. They are like many people you already know but their perspective is different. “I’m doing this for the people who I met on my own journey who said that they could never do it,” says Janet Fanaki. “The truth is, you don’t know what you’re capable of doing until you HAVE to do it.” - 30 - Find the RESILIENT PEOPLE podcast and more information at www.resilientpeople.ca To contact Janet Fanaki, Creator and Host of the RESILIENT PEOPLE podcast and website, email info@resilientpeople.ca Episodes can be found on all platforms and https://resilient-people.simplecast.com/ |