Laughing at the absurd

photo courtesy: Maggie Knaus

​I recently ran into an old acquaintance who learned of the return of my husband's cancer.  

It took them by surprise that while I was sharing his symptoms, the 10 days of radiation that followed and aggressive intravenous infusion that he was now taking bi-weekly that I laughed about it. 

It wasn't the kind that I would let out at a comedy club or while watching Seinfeld, nor was it a nervous one, but one that takes over when I'm hearing or talking about something totally absurd.

Their reply to my reaction was, "Well, it seems like you're doing alright."

I consider my sense of humour a part of my coping skills and something that gets me through many tough situations.  

According to an article I read in Mental Floss, counsellor Kelley Hopkins-Alvarez says, “Sometimes people laugh when something is sad because they are trying to deflect going deeper into their emotions."  

I don't consider my laughter as a means to protect myself.  

Living with someone who is battling a terminal disease is all-consuming and even my emotions need a rest from it. 

So when I'm speaking with someone who wants to know more about how I'm coping, the tell-tale signs of glioblastoma, or if they should avoid using a cell phone in fear of developing a brain tumour, I will sometimes let out a giggle.

Why?  Because I've been talking about it everyday for over 3 years and sometimes my laughter helps to break the monotony of how painful this experience really is.

At my 50th birthday party, I was getting to know a friend of a friend.  In between dancing and sips of champagne, she decided to sidle up to me to say that she too once had a brain tumour.  I thought, "Um, no offence but my party is not where I want to hear about this."  So I politely smiled, said that I was sorry to hear it, and excused myself while quietly laughing as I walked away.

(Note to everyone reading this post - try and refrain from telling a sad story at someone's birthday party).

Being resilient takes having the right coping skills.  So if it means having a belly laugh over a crazy comment or giggling at a discussion that you're not willing to have, let it out.  It's more important that you be okay with it than worry about what others may think of you.