by Cory Resilient
My name is Cory and I’m here to share my story and experience around being homeless. I was born in Fort Erie, Ontario and grew up a few hours away in Hamilton. My parents were alcoholics and my father was a drug addict. I saw him do needles, smoke crack cocaine & heroin and at one point he was in jail. Cops were always coming to the house, and I was surrounded by a lot of fighting and experiencing abuse. My parents split up and my mother got with another man who was also an alcoholic and abusive to me. Loud music, drunk people and violence kept me up all night. It was hard to go to school. I was always getting into trouble and sometimes suspended. I was also put into a special behavior class. At 13 I ran away from home to live at my father’s place. He was remarried and my step mother was sober and a good influence. She eventually left him and he started doing drugs and alcohol again. He sold drugs too. My dad taught me how to cook and sell cocaine, and by 15 years old I was charged for stealing cars, break and enter, weapons and drug possession. When my dad died it was a turning point for me. In my life I have experienced nothing but pain, corruption, death, abandonment with no good influences or guidance. I wanted to know what a “good life” felt like. To me, it’s a car, a dog, a nice place, healthy friendships and a woman in my life. To be one step closer to a good life, I visited a homeless shelter for the first time. I also got a job thanks to a local employment centre. I was working full-time earning minimum wage but I got a nice apartment. Everything was being paid for by my credit card and I couldn’t manage it. I lost my place and was homeless again. To me, homelessness looked like this:
I was a victim until I was an adult. I was upset and angry at the people who did this to me and it made me lash out and led to a life of crime. When you get into trouble it’s the responsibility of the person to change. But its flaws in the system that prevent the change from happening. I am 28 years old and still homeless. I survived drug addiction, jail, the criminal system, homelessness as a youth, overcame abuse, stigma and mental illness. I am trying to get into Anawim House in Victoria, British Columbia to be one step closer to stability, rehabilitation, routine & structure. I need to get off of the street, to get well and progress. It took inner strength to get through my past - I should have been dead or still in jail. I use my experiences to empower me instead of making me feel bad. I use it as my drive to be resilient and help others. With every problem, I knew that there was a solution. I believe through my own work that I can help empower others. It has become my purpose. My YouTube channel, Cory Resilient, shows my experiences and connects with people with a similar past. My goal is to educate street people on a better way of thinking and life, based on my own personal experience. I want to be something bigger that can have an impact on society and be an example of making it through. Being resilient. Cory Resilient.
0 Comments
My neighbour recently came over. I had been running on practically no sleep when she and her husband stopped by for a drink. The conversation turned to my "condition". She has five children and if anyone should be sleeping it should be her! She was perplexed when she heard that I only get by on a few hours of sporadic sleep a night. "I have too much on my mind," was my lame explanation. Not that this isn't the case, but I'm certainly tired enough when I crawl into bed...I just can't stay asleep. Journaling, meditation, working out and taking extra melatonin every night weren't doing the trick. I'm also a fanatic about switching my pillows and even buying new ones on a bimonthly basis in the hopes that it will be the culprit. She said that I should do something everyday that brings me pleasure and relaxation. It didn't take long for me to tell her what that is - singing. I sing everyday. Around the house, in my car (to a deafening decibel) and even sometimes on a walk when I'm listening to music. Ever since I was a little girl, I sang in talent competitions, school musicals, university cabaret shows and even at my own wedding reception. It brings me the most joy. It may not bring me the comatose kind of a sleep that I'm looking for, but it brings me so much happiness. To find some of my samples, visit SoundCloud. What brings you pleasure? The Brain Tumour Foundation of Canada recently released the first Brain Tumour Caregiver Handbook. The purpose of the book is to address the specific needs of caregivers when caring for a loved one with a brain tumour. Over a year ago I was approached to conduct interviews and write the background stories of four caregivers. My background in public relations and role as a care partner to my husband Adam made me a good candidate for this role. For over 3 1/2 years we have been battling glioblastoma, an aggressive form of brain cancer. I was given four individuals to interview: Theresa, Kyle, Laurie and Karen. Each with their own individual experiences and firsthand advice to share. With this one major thing we have in common, we all approached our involvement in the book with one goal in mind - to help those who occupy the space where we once did not long ago. Theresa and her father were very close. In 2001 he passed away from glioblastoma. At the time of his illness, she was only in her mid-20s and stepped into the role as his caregiver and advocate. During her teary recollection she told me about the need to take time off of work to help him and her family cope. "Being a caregiver was all-consuming," she says, and following her father's death she suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder, insomnia and the inability to focus. Theresa offers advice to those caring for a parent or loved one. Some of her tips include: the importance of getting respite and accessing a support group. On a holiday, Kyle and his wife were sharing with one another how they felt "things were going so well" and then she discovered a Grade 3 anaplastic astrocytoma. Surgery, radiation and chemotherapy followed but the tumour came back a year later. She could no longer care for their young son and Kyle took on the role of primary family caregiver. Working and managing his family and household took a huge toll on him. He offers tips such as: the importance of developing systems for meals and outsourcing tasks; keeping a journal; and seeking help for yourself. As a mother to a child who had a brain tumour, Karen recounts the additional stresses that she managed while caring for her daughter. "It was a time of crisis for us," says Karen. "In addition we have another child who we also needed to consider." Karen offers tips such as: "take help from others" and "practice responsible googling" for research. Her daughter now lives a healthy life and is giving back to the Brain Tumour Foundation through her own fundraising. Laurie's husband is living with a brain injury which he experienced following surgery. She offers her perspective for finding happiness outside of the brain tumour bubble. "The first year didn't allow for much time to engage in anything outside of the world of appointments," says Laurie. "Over time I worked to do more activities outside of the house to maintain a sense of self." She emphasizes the importance of finding a hobby, accessing counselling services and finding happiness to get through the bad days. And for my own contribution to the caregiver stories, I emphasize the need to build the best team around you. This includes medical professionals, neighbours, family and friends. They can all help you in different ways and be there for support. As cliché as it sounds, "Caregivers need care". Feelings of isolation, rage, sadness and exhaustion are common to all of us. We need to maintain our mental and physical health in order to be helpful to our loved one. And by connecting to one another we are reminded that we are not alone in this fight. November 13, 2019 Today marks World Kindness Day and what a terrific opportunity to recognize the nice things that people do for one another. How are you celebrating? Could it be by making a donation to a favourite charity? Bringing-in an elderly neighbour's garbage bins or by just telling someone how much you appreciate having them in your life. Today I registered to become a RAKtivist. It's an online community developed by the website Random Acts of Kindness. Each month a special kindness challenge is sent out to members that benefits a worthy cause. Doing the monthly challenges will be fun and seeing how others tackle them globally will be so interesting. Let me know if you're joining too. I've been so lucky to have so many people be kind to my family. Let me share a recent example. Yesterday I got a special surprise in my mailbox. My dear friend Carie who lives in London, England sent me a package. In it was a little note with a gorgeous colourful glass trinket dish wrapped in bubble-wrap. Carie's message was to let me know that she's thinking of us while our family is going through a difficult time in our lives. She wrote, "I got you this glass tray to remind you to always look for and find the colour and light - even in the darkest days." Even as I type this I'm holding back tears. Carie, you have ALWAYS had a way with words. Thank you my friend for that long-distance hug. Practicing kindness has many benefits too. According to Psychology Today, "Science has now shown that devoting resources to others, rather than having more and more for yourself, bring about lasting well-being." Hooray! It's good for our health to be kind. Start by being aware of someone's needs and acting on it. For example, if you are approaching a homeless person today, think about buying them a sandwich and hot drink for lunch. Or do what I did today for my dog, Ella. The morning temperature in Toronto was -13 degrees Celsius. Rather than taking her on a brutally cold dog walk, I took her to a popular indoor facility called Doggie Playland, so she could frolic with her friends without freezing her paws. Maybe this last idea was being kind to me too. Wink wink. So today enjoy being kind to someone and the good feels that come along with it. "Everyone dies and that is okay". Before you start hating on me for being a downer, hear me out. Today my elderly neighbour Kay passed away. She was a lovely lady, full of spunk and an avid knitter. She and I had a few nice chats over the years. Nothing deep or allowed either of us to really get to know the other but she said something to me once that I'll never forget. Three years ago she called me over to ask me how I was doing. It was the first time that I saw her after my husband's brain cancer diagnosis. I said, "Oh, you know, okay." Her facial expression turned from sympathy to disapproval and she snapped back with, "Janet, don't say that! It's F****** SH**! So say so." Thank God for Kay. She changed me from that day forward. To become a person who is not afraid of honesty, the truth and opening up to others. Thank you Kay and God bless you. See you on the other side. So it is okay that everyone dies but hopefully when it happens to someone you know, the happy memories and lessons that they taught you will endure beyond the sadness. November 4, 2019 photo courtesy: Maggie Knaus I recently ran into an old acquaintance who learned of the return of my husband's cancer. It took them by surprise that while I was sharing his symptoms, the 10 days of radiation that followed and aggressive intravenous infusion that he was now taking bi-weekly that I laughed about it. It wasn't the kind that I would let out at a comedy club or while watching Seinfeld, nor was it a nervous one, but one that takes over when I'm hearing or talking about something totally absurd. Their reply to my reaction was, "Well, it seems like you're doing alright." I consider my sense of humour a part of my coping skills and something that gets me through many tough situations. According to an article I read in Mental Floss, counsellor Kelley Hopkins-Alvarez says, “Sometimes people laugh when something is sad because they are trying to deflect going deeper into their emotions." I don't consider my laughter as a means to protect myself. Living with someone who is battling a terminal disease is all-consuming and even my emotions need a rest from it. So when I'm speaking with someone who wants to know more about how I'm coping, the tell-tale signs of glioblastoma, or if they should avoid using a cell phone in fear of developing a brain tumour, I will sometimes let out a giggle. Why? Because I've been talking about it everyday for over 3 years and sometimes my laughter helps to break the monotony of how painful this experience really is. At my 50th birthday party, I was getting to know a friend of a friend. In between dancing and sips of champagne, she decided to sidle up to me to say that she too once had a brain tumour. I thought, "Um, no offence but my party is not where I want to hear about this." So I politely smiled, said that I was sorry to hear it, and excused myself while quietly laughing as I walked away. (Note to everyone reading this post - try and refrain from telling a sad story at someone's birthday party). Being resilient takes having the right coping skills. So if it means having a belly laugh over a crazy comment or giggling at a discussion that you're not willing to have, let it out. It's more important that you be okay with it than worry about what others may think of you. MEDIA ADVISORY
RESILIENT PEOPLE website proves that life’s challenges can be opportunities to inspire others TORONTO, ON., October 22, 2019 -- Toronto resident Janet Fanaki created the website RESILIENT PEOPLE, out of her own story of resilience. The site profiles EXTRAordinary people worldwide who are admired for overcoming a major challenge, bouncing back and creating something to help others be resilient too. “I launched the website after my husband was diagnosed with glioblastoma, an aggressive form of brain cancer,” says the former PR specialist. “This time of our lives was incredibly challenging for him, me and our entire family.” Launching RESILIENT PEOPLE was a cathartic process for Janet as she was searching for others who also bounced back from major challenges. Started just over a year ago, the site has become a sense of community and inspiration for people everywhere. “Every person I profile has taken a problem and made an opportunity to help themselves and others. This is why they are RESILIENT PEOPLE.” I would appreciate the opportunity to chat with you about:
I can be reached at (416) 271-7887, info@resilientpeople.ca and www.resilientpeople.ca ### By Jane Kristoffy, Founder of Right Track Educational Services
As the school year unfolds, is the stress level rising at your house? Does your teen feel a ton of pressure, or are they managing their growing workload with ease as they work towards academic goals? We are now weeks into another school year and getting used to our routines. Students have a “groove” in their courses, and grasp their teachers’ expectations. Many students have their eye on specific, measurable goals for academic progress (and other activities), and they’re working hard towards them. Now is the time students begin to see whether or not their goals are within reach. Their progress so far shows whether or not they’re on track. Even though there are many months left in the school year, some kids may feel overwhelmed, fearing failure. They may panic if they have a minor setback at this time. Recently I’ve had a few phone calls from parents about their stressed-out teenagers. One Mom asked, “Do students ever get totally stuck, this early, in Grade 11?” The answer is YES, all the time! (The same goes for students in grades 9, 10, and 12, but grade 11 can be particularly overwhelming since students know their marks can impact post-secondary admissions.) Many students are tired and stressed at mid-term. Their teachers may not know them yet, or “get” them. A test result could be far from their hopes. Maybe they’re riding the bench on the basketball team, instead of leading the starting line; or for those students eager to head-up clubs, perhaps they haven’t filled the role they’d imagined. As I wrote about in a previous article in RESILIENT PEOPLE, I urge parents to use moments of teen stress and insecurity to help them build their resilience and perseverance muscles. Struggles and setbacks are part of life, and these are perfect times to encourage kids to push through them. These situations will make our kids stronger. I challenge parents to not only help kids work through specific difficult situations, but also to create an environment in which their children are set-up to build resilience every day. Here are some key ways to set the stage for building resilience throughout the school year: 1. Make physical health a priority. The right amount of sleep and exercise, as well as proper nutrition, makes a huge impact on one’s ability to persevere during a setback. Imagine the energy needed to study for a test, or run a cross-country race. We need to be physically healthy to do these things well. 2. Build a circle of trust. An adult “outside” the immediate family can provide support to your child/teen. Acknowledge the encouragement that coaches, instructors, extended family members, and teachers can offer. Use their support and rely on it. Sometimes kids want to talk to someone other than Mom or Dad. It takes a village. 3. Practice positive parenting. Role model perseverance and resilience in your day-to-day life. Demonstrate grit when the going gets tough. Talk about what you learn from daily struggles and your failures. Encourage kids and teens to never fear failure and to get rid of stigmas associated with it. 4. Belong to something. Kids and teens can be themselves and take risks when removed from their school social groups. Belonging to a social community outside of school can lay the foundation for growth. If kids know they have more than one social outlet, it’s safer to risk failing or looking foolish, and this ultimately will help them build their resilience muscle. 5. Have a sense of control over one’s life. Show your kids they can make their own choices about many aspects of their lives: friends, passions, courses, direction, to name a few. I always encourage parents to help their kids build resilience and to persevere when they hit a bump in the road, and to create an environment in which being resilient is the norm every day of the school year. Contact Right Track for information about our Study Skills Bootcamps, High School Blueprint, and other services supporting kids and teens during their academic journey! We would love to chat with you to see if we can help during school transitions and challenges. Visit www.righttrackeducation.ca Dawne McKay is the founder of The Crash Support Network. She started the group after she survived a horrible car crash in 2012. Feeling isolated and alone during her recovery she could not find an online support group for survivors of motor vehicle crashes. “I was looking for others to connect with, who understood what I was going through,” she says. “I took it upon myself to create a group for people who share the same experience as me.” In April 2016 The Crash Support Network was born and within a few minutes of her first post, Dawne had a follower. “Jimmy was the survivor of a truck crash,” says Dawne. “For the first time, I didn’t feel alone.” The day of Dawne’s crash started out as a normal drive to work. She was taking a left turn at an intersection when the car behind her rear-ended her, pushing her car into the path of a transport truck. “I vaguely remember it,” she says. “I remember parts of the first impact and nothing of the second hit but recall someone holding my hand while we waited for the ambulance to arrive.” She stayed in a downtown Toronto trauma centre for 3 days suffering from multiple injuries. “It was a life changing experience where I felt very vulnerable from the moment the crash happened to the hospital stay and the long road to recovery.” Once time had passed and her support network got back to their regular lives, she felt very alone in dealing with the aftermath including discussions with insurance agencies, lawyers, and medical professionals as well as reeling from her experience. Dealing with the mental, physical and financial aspects of a crash was a lot and something she didn’t want anyone else to experience on their own. From the moment she launched The Crash Support Network group, Dawne’s days of feeling alone were over. When Jimmy wrote her, it was to say that he had been in a terrible truck crash and was worried about his wife and children. Completely understanding him, Dawne replied to say, “I went through a horrific car crash too - I’m here for you.” Group members will often say they wished they had known about such a support group sooner. Similar to the online Down Syndrome community that Tara McCallan discussed on The Happy Soul Project for RESILIENT PEOPLE. "I gathered an army to support us. We've been uplifted by people worldwide." The Crash Support Network Facebook group is private allowing members to have open conversations with one another, creating a space for empathy, support, appreciation and respect. For Dawne, she gets teary thinking about what the group means to her. “I remember sitting on my couch feeling all alone in the struggles I was facing. When I created the group my goal was to help just one person and now I’m helping over 650 people.” Along with the Facebook group, Dawne has designed a website which covers a multitude of topics including a personal blog on her journey to recovery, insurance and legal advice, as well as articles written by survivors. It’s a first-stop destination for crash survivors. Her resilience comes from desperately needing to find a sense of purpose, seeing the crash for what it was and wanting to help other survivors. “I have always believed in myself and understood that setbacks are temporary. I decided to focus my energy on creating awareness for survivors of motor vehicle crashes who may be struggling alone, and sharing my personal experience as a crash survivor is rewarding.” For more information on The Crash Support Network, visit www.crashsupportnetwork.com, the private Facebook group, Twitter and the public Facebook page. |